‘Witch Doctor for ED’ Issues Dire Threat to the U.S. Amidst Local Turmoil**

By Farai D Hove | In a shocking revelation, a self-proclaimed ZANU PF-aligned spirit medium, known as ‘Moyo Chirandu’, has threatened the United States of America with a mysterious plague of death. This ultimatum comes in retaliation for the U.S. sanctions against the Zimbabwe Defence Forces, accused of civilian atrocities and multiple political coups since 1 August 2018.

Speaking at a controversial anti-sanctions rally, Chirandu announced: “I want to inform you that Zimbabwe is deeply spiritual, leaning on our ancestors. It has been decided that we are now intervening. Let me warn the Americans and the British: we possess powers beyond earthly comprehension. We may not have weapons, but our sticks and our snuff hold immense power. Prepare for mysterious happenings in your nations. The founders of these sanctions, and those who believe in their imposition, will experience mysterious deaths. We give you one year to lift these sanctions or face the wrath of our spiritual forces.”

This ominous proclamation comes amidst a series of calamities plaguing key figures in Emmerson Mnangagwa’s administration. Recent events include unexplained lightning strikes and hyena attacks, claiming the lives of many relatives of those allegedly involved in manipulating the 2023 elections. Tragically, even a Zimbabwe Electoral Commissioner’s father has met an untimely health collapse. Many Zimbabweans interpret these events as spiritual retribution for the electoral violence that has plagued the nation, especially following the tumultuous ousting of the late president Robert Mugabe.

A comment from the US government could not be obtained at the time of writing.

The international community watches with bated breath as this saga unfolds, waiting to see if Chirandu’s forewarnings come to pass or if diplomatic solutions can be reached to ensure peace and security for all parties involved.- ZimEye