By Nomazulu Thata| I was deeply sad when I saw you crying, deeply broken in that video clip. I think I know how it is like to be so heartbroken like you right now, but in my case not because of men of course. How I wish you were near me, I would just hold you tight in my arms and tell you that you are a beautiful sister to me and you are worth gold itself. It’s just that we women do not really know how valuable we are to ourselves.

From the video I gathered you have children. I am grateful for that, because right now you will know where to put your priorities: first and foremost to your children. You have people who genuinely love you: your children and your parents if they are still alive, I hope they are. Remember too that any woman can do such a mistake. When I started watching your video I thought I was going to hear something different. In retrospect your experience is reminiscent of many other stories I have heard and seen almost nearer to my own experience.

Sure, I am talking from experience, am older than you but I tell you, I nearly got cheated by a Zimbabwean man staying in Zimbabwe in the same way as you my dear. I am sure you were convinced you found the love of your life. But at the same time if that man was staying in Zimbabwe, you should have known that no Zimbabwean man survives without a woman: for that quickie with those nineteen year olds. Telling you about my own experience, I took it block by block. I had a man who told me he was head over heels in love with me; I barely knew him but was hell bent, telling me that if the match-maker is known to both of us we are then a good match! That was his first “cheating” a blue lie.

Within three weeks of communication, this man started asking for money: was supposed to send him 200 to 300 Euros a month to compliment his own merger government salary. I just questioned the ethic of asking for money from a woman one barely knows, how do you establish a relationship with a man who is evidently a stalker? This man wanted money from Europe there was zero love, you cannot possibly love someone you barely know, a match-made product!

I kept my cool, it was towards Christmas, he, (let’s call him XY to protect his privacy) XY asked if I could get him a ticket to Germany. I was really not amused by this begging, does he know how much a return ticket from Zimbabwe to Germany costs? Does this man have feelings for money? However as an author of books, such are some material I needed to write about in one of them. I thought I should just hang-on and really get to know what this man was up to: what does he want from me, my money? We cannot talk about love there was no love: we barely knew each other.

If for arguments sake, I bought the ticket and he came to Germany, it was going to mean, putting down 5,000 Euros as guarantee that he will return back and not start wanting to remain in Germany by whatever means. Again it was going to be his upkeep here I was going to foot; it means coughing out 500 Euros a week plus tourist expenses; he will want to see a bit of Germany? I was sure I was not going to spend so much on a man I barely knew as well.

I discovered that the man generally was a bad communicator. But it was later explained, he did not want me to catch his cheating in those “unnecessary” discussions, he kept it short, not much talking. The man was supposed to be a devoted Christian! When I went for a business transaction in Tanzania, the first thing he did was to ask me how much money I made in the transaction. Sure that was a clumsy question. I doubt if I replied politely. It was becoming obvious to me that he is a gold digger! In German I would have said “Gift jäger”

We have been communicating for about nine months when I got an email telling me in no uncertain terms that I must come home. I kept my cool, I do not know this man well how do you just pack your things and leave a well paying teaching job in Germany to be a house-wife in Zimbabwe, and he is not managing himself “alone?” With his meagre salary.

My reply was open plain and straight to the point. I told him to give me two months to pack my things and will come to stay with him in Zimbabwe he was going to be the “provider” as a husband! I could tell that he was shocked about my reply! “Here is a woman who wants to come and he will provide,” I was as sure as a cock, he had nothing to provide! Now let me come to the most interesting point: I phoned very late in the evening, I wanted to find out something I was suspicious of about him!

Firstly he tried to say how is UK, but I live in Germany, the next thing I heard a woman screaming in the background: Ngumfazi wakho lowo, ngumfazi wakho lowo, I was exited, really exited, this is exactly something that kept me thinking and doubting that this man is not himself at all, he is hiding something from me. He was hiding something from the woman he was staying with equally, so this woman was to stay in his home until he got a more resourceful woman from Europe: Me.

Now to cut the story short, can you imagine if I sent this man money, every month, thinking aha, I have a love of my life? Can you imagine if I sent him a ticket to come to Europe for a five week holiday, coming to me leaving a woman in his home? When he was caught curiously he still thought I was going to understand this arrangement, he is a man after all, he needs those extras if there was no woman he thought he was well resourced to give him all the money to do what he wanted?

Here is a man who cheated smartly on two women. He had no shame at all because he thought since all women are desperate for marriage, I was going to go round my anger and continue with the relationship? Zimbabwean men are the same. There are those few exceptions that are good to their wives, men, a Zimbabwean who has respect for women.

I will spare you the nonsense he said after I caught him cheating on me. Somehow I never really recovered from this episode at all as I keep on telling this story all the time. I am sure I am telling you so that you know you are not alone in this. What makes me sad still are those tears you shed in the glare of the camera, those tears affected me deeply. At the same time I feel a man is not worth shedding a tear for unless if he has a trek record of a good father and hubby.

I felt sad when I saw those drugs in your hand. How do you want to terminate your life if you have children you still need to live for? A man can never be a better option to your own children. Please do not do anything that will jeopardize the welfare of your children.

I am glad, however that you took a bold move to make this public; this will assist many other women especially younger ones who are in the same situation like yours. My own experiences are always a text book case for other young girls who can get cheated easily by those sadistic and unscrupulous men out there.

There is also another aspect of our society that fails us women who are not married. I remember when I was having this relationship above: relations became interested too: there was this pressure I felt, to settle with this man, it’s your last chance! They said! Last chance: Am I already condemned a desperado by my people? The families and our relatives make us feel we are not worth anything if we are not married. This is what we should fight and possibly rebel from this notion; we cannot be respected only if we are married! To hell with that respect! How do I settle for marriage at 60 years if I failed it at 25 years?

My dear Sister please collect yourself, you have a lot to live for, do not cry those tears for a man, its not worth it at all. The experience was nasty; you will find that you are not the only one in this dirty experience. Many women are tightly lipped, cannot come out and say: I am abused in this marriage. Marriage in our society means to tolerate that very nonsense your hubby is doing. Look at your children in your face and discover their beauty and love they have for you. You will find joy in them especially when they start smiling at you with those innocent eyes. Desmond Chideme false through and through!

Women should avoid this match-making of potential hubbies by relatives and friends. This is a very dangerous thing considering that there are numerous STDs that are easily passed on just by gullibly trusting somebody you barely know. Most men are all out looking for resources and not women to marry per se. In my case this man could easily have got a woman from the congregation Adventist Church he passionately goes to every Saturday. But no, he wanted an import from Germany with resources. Those bible holders are the worst cheaters: they cheat unscrupulously, they are all up to get their cut in the relationship!

I hope my article helps somehow. Please do not do yourself any harm. My prayer today! Those tablets I saw in your hand gave me a chill on my spine, I confess.