By Anthony Okoth | Sex in relationships can be a good thing, bringing two people closer together. But is jumping the gun too early ultimately detrimental to the relationship?

We all know the drill: two people meet, have a conversation and find out they are attracted to each other. Where the story goes from here can go in two directions: they have sex or they end up in arelationship. Sometimes they can have sex then end up in a relationship, sometimes they get into a relationship just to have sex, but at some point in time the topic of sex will spring up and demand to be addressed.

There hardly seems to be a separation of sex and relationships anymore. If you’re in a relationship with someone, the assumption is that you are having sex. In fact, it’s seen as an oddity if you aren’t having sex. Though your reasons for this may be valid to you and your partner, the endless questioning and prodding from your friends and those around you can weigh heavy on your mind. But have we ever stopped to think about whether sex too early in a relationship may be detrimental to the relationship itself?

I don’t know you 

A lot of people are in relationships with people they don’t really know. That’s why statements like “I never though s/he would do that to me” are so common when people are talking about rocky patches in relationships. A lot of this can be traced back to the initial interactions between the two people. Did they take the time to find out what makes them happy or sad, what makes them angry, how they deal with stress, what baggage they came into the relationship with?

But have we ever stopped to think about whether sex too early in a relationship may be detrimental to the relationship itself?

The truth is, most of us have been in relationships where we never asked these questions. We’re too caught up in the euphoria of someone new in our lives – and of having sex regularly with someone we are falling deeper and deeper for – that we don’t want to risk it by asking questions that we need to. Sacrificing the long term for the short term eventually leaves us picking up the pieces once it all comes crashing down.

 Regret is not fun 

Humans are creatures of habit, and once habits are formed they are very difficult to reverse. The concessions we give at the beginning of a relationship because we don’t want to rock the boat become the basis of every argument later. We think, “So what if they want to sleep with other people/don’t want to use a condom/insert-other-thing-you-would-never-do-here… It’s probably something they’ll grow out of, right?”

Wrong. So now you’re there in an uncomfortable situation that you cannot change for fear that they may leave you, which was why you didn’t address it in the first place.

It takes a certain level of courage to pull yourself and your partner aside from all the lovey dovey stuff and address real issues. It’s also scary because you don’t know how they will react to it. But you know what’s worse? Feeling like you gave too much too soon, when things start to go sideways. Knowing that you wouldn’t be in this situation if you had just spoken up.

Regret, that’s one thing that’s never fun.