AROUND this time last year, Grace Mugabe stood in front of the nation and asked: “What would I possibly want from (then vice-president Emmerson) Mnangagwa?”
It is a question that has puzzled the entire nation for a year. In various hotels, seminars were held. In our universities, Dr Grace’s fellow PhD holders wrote lengthy academic papers on the vexing question. Prophets held all-night prayers and took offerings, “seeking God’s face” on the spiritual aspect of such a national question.
Finally, last week, the nation was answered. What Grace wanted from Mnangagwa all along was not complicated at all.
It was not political power. It was not the vice-presidency of Zanu PF. It was something as simple as a ride in a private jet, preferably on a gleaming new Gulfstream 650 from Qatar.
“VaMnangagwa, you comforted me,” Grace said at her mom’s funeral. “If it had to take my mother’s death for us to go back to our old friendship, so be it.”
There was widespread relief across the nation at the news. The national question of what Grace wanted from Mnangagwa had finally been answered.
Surely, this is cause for celebration. One can totally understand why the Mugabes have been sulking for a year. We all know President Mnangagwa is slow to act, but even for him, it is disappointing that all along he didn’t simply ask Grace what she wanted from him.
It was not long ago that the Mugabes summoned the press to their mansion to complain about what a bad man Mnangagwa was. Because he was denying them their basic rights, like a new mansion or two, Mugabe promised to vote for Nelson Chamisa. Now he recognises Mnangagwa’s victory and wants all of us to stand behind our new leader.
Clearly, there is no beef that a ride on a private jet cannot fix. Especially a jet with an in-flight entertainment centre, where one can catch up on one’s favourite Telemundo drama without noise from the engines, seeing as the plane has the latest cabin noise suppression technology.
And the massage seats come in very helpful, seeing as one’s back has been a little sore lately, causing one to fly off to Singapore for a back rub or two.
Meanwhile, news that Grace was not yet rich was a shock to the entire nation. Grace revealed to the country that the Gulfstream 650 was “my dream aircraft”. She then further revealed what has left the entire country stunned: “If I ever become rich, I will buy one just like it.”
Across the country, people are shocked to learn that the Mugabes were not already rich. When one buys a diamond ring costing over a million US dollars, reportedly owns a dozen farms, runs an award-winning dairy business, holds real estate in the best addresses from Dubai to South Africa, goes on shopping sprees in the best malls of the Gulf, and lives on a 10-hectare estate inside a large mansion, albeit one with a leaky roof, people obviously assume one is already rich.
Clearly not. Wrong. People need to raise their standards in this country. What’s a mansion and a handful of farms and one or two shopping trips? That’s just plain poverty. One only gets rich when they actually own a private jet.
Independent