Ntobisi-Incest in Manchester Leaves Us Cold And Desperate
By Nomazulu Thata | It is even insulting to ask just a simple question: Were these two daughters (NOT REAL NAME) Ntobisi’s step-children or his biological daughters. This question is neither here nor there; the fact alone that Ntobisi could deflower his under-aged children in his home by sexually: raping them, makes us despair. I would be excused if I say Ntobisi wanted to cure his HIV/AIDS by sexually assaulting his minor daughters at home. Some Zimbabwean men sexually assault virgins to cure HIV/AIDS, an illicit advice from twisted herbalists that know-it-all. Where is humanity, are they reading the bible correctly these Seventh Day Adventists? If such crimes against humanity are found at the doorsteps of God-fearing people, Adventists purport to know bible so well and live by its teachings, where are the Christian values!
Where are the values and principles of UBUNTU we boast about if Ntobisi can commit such crimes against humanity; feminists will say crimes against womanity: not on one girl but two, who knows perhaps he committed these crimes many times on other minor girls. There could be other minor victims Ntobisi may have sexually abused, will never come to light again; he is dead. What a self inflicted capital punishment, worth of his final exit on earth to avert justice on earth!
The sadness in this story is that if the Manchester Social Services did their work competently, Ntobisi would have been sent to jail long back before he could start to assault the second daughter. The first daughter reported the case to her auntie: Ubabakazi/Tete but she was not believed because girls lie anywhere? Really! This story sounds very familiar by all account: in our societies girl-children lie all the time when it comes to reporting sexual abuse done inside the family: by a father, a brother, and any relative in the family unit. They are not believed: my own story of sexual abuse by the Inspector of Police: Hosea David Molife was not believed either.
A good girl-child is the one who does not report abuse done at home; you will be washing dirty linen in the public, they say. Those support structures that we depend on in families failed the two girls: the auntie who was given all the trust by the first victim of Ntobisi girls responded in the fashion that we all know: shut up girl, we are decent family, Seventh Day Adventist worshipers: do not spoil our good and profound Christian image in the public!
What is most painful in this Ntobisi-incest saga is that the mother is wholly complicit with the incest happening in the home. She put first her immediate needs, the money her husband was bring in the household, and saw the pain of her daughters as second and not worth reporting. Mrs. Ntobisi is as guilty as her husband who perpetrated incest on their daughters. She should never be spared by the law. A woman can be as devilish as the man who commits such atrocities of rape to minors. “The man is a breadwinner.” So the pain of her daughters is not of significance as
the posh life of abundance the family. We are wholly familiar with family support structure, especially women that attack whistleblowers who actually want to unpack the horrors of decent family on sexual abuse to minors.
We ask and question the sanity of this mother: Mrs. Ntobisi, an insane character who is supposed to be the primary support system at home. How many mothers out there would cope with such abomination for the sake of good living Ntobisi was providing in the home? Our first entry point in understanding Mrs. Ntobisi is how she managed the situation when the first time her daughter reported her father to her auntie. It is obvious how she mounted a militant and defensive mechanism towards her first daughter, the first victim. She groomed her, coerced pressured the girl to jettison accusations that the father was raping her. These two girls continued to be trapped in an incestuous home whereby the needs of the father to have sexual intercourse to his daughters are “permitted.” Because of her silence or concealing sexual abuse done on her own daughters in her home, the mother violated the families most sacred and guarded taboo.
These two Ntobisi girls must be applauded for their courage to report their father to the authorities. Realizing that the Ubabakazi/Tete was not helping them, they braved it and reported him to the school authorities. These two girls are heroines in my eyes; they were able to overcome guilt, shame, fear, social and family pressure as well as being coercing by their parents to continue to conceal rape of violent nature, a crime against humanity done by their parents: I am saying parents because the mother is equally guilty. The two girls reported because they were taught in schools that rape or sexual intercourse at their tender age by a father or anybody is not normal but criminal. The girls knew that they could not continue to put up with pain of rape by their father, they are avenues to report it: the school, and get assistance thereafter. These girls are indeed great: I salute them!!
The first Ntobisi girl-victim must have been threatened by both father and mother. But the second girl, who knows perhaps with the assistance of her sister, braved it all to report to the school authorities. If the first girl was not believed, then the second victim ultimately exposed those who suppressed the first voice. The first victim was right after all. The girls, because of the unbearable pain they had to endure, were aware of the fact that assistance elsewhere was possible and not in the family.
They could not continue live a life of deceit; a family life of celebrating the Sabbath every week and yet the family inside is rotten to the core. On the outside, the family was decent with intact Christian values. The father is supposed to be an intelligent man, they say. This is the intelligence that does not realize the effects of incestuous relationship with minor children: a sick man we are told, has HIV/AIDS, not incurable. This is an intelligent and callous man who carelessly, because of his lust for sexual pleasures, can go for a sexual pleasure with his daughter of eight years old, is that the measure, definition and behaviour of intelligent people?
These two girls are brave for reporting their father because incest is the least discussed crimes in homes and elsewhere world-wide. It does not matter how we view this Ntobisi-incest case the two girls are physically and emotionally damaged for the rest of their lives. Their mother may not have reported the case but now she is exposed, the breadwinner, the caregiver, and the husband she was dependent on is dead. The girls are damaged for life by their mother for not reporting incest for fear of external community unit she spiritually depended on the Sabbath Church. If Mrs. Ntobisi feared to report incest because of losing the man, she has lost him now because he is dead. Mrs. Ntobisi will begin to find resources alone without her criminal husband, the very of her fear to report making her complicit with the criminal activities her husband committed.
Dear mothers, lets learn to listen to our girl-children when they report incest or any sexual abuse they are confronted with. Most of the stories that our daughters report to us are true. A child does not lie in most cases. Sometimes when they report, they will have coped with so much pain that they cannot take it anymore. Let’s build up relationships with our girl-children so that if they are confronted with sex abuse they can trust us as a mother to assist them and prevent imminent danger she is facing. A child’s welfare is never to be exchange with good and posh living at home. Let’s report child abuse that takes place in our homes because if we fear, we destroy our children’s lives forever. Curiously our African societies trivialize sex abuse on small children, calling it normal sometimes.
Sexual abuse on children is very painful and has serious implications in a growing child. The consequences of sexual abuse on children leave an indelible, ineradicable pain and problematic clinical dilemmas and challenges in the growing child. The greatest consolation in Ntobisi-incest case is the nature of his death. He was crushed by several cars that ran over his evil body ending his life as such. The pain he suffered is quantifiably or qualifiedly being the measure with the pain his daughters had to endure during his sexual escapades with them: pun intended.
If indeed there is hell, this Mr. Ntobisi belongs to the fires of hell. But the damage he left behind is great, these girls will have to cope with incest-surviving for the entire lives and a disease given to them by their father is permanent. May god assist the Ntobisi girls-children in coping with those physical and emotional scars left by their father, Mr. Ntobisi!!!! Ubhinya lwendoda. The nature of his death we say good riddance to bad chaff. How many girl-children are now safe without him?
Indeed chakapfukidza dzimba matenga! Sexual abuse and rape take place in most unsuspecting and very decent homes. It is this dishonesty and deceit they portray outside when in actual fact, inside the homes; what happening is unimaginable by common sense. May the Lord God help us all? God help and protect our growing girl-children.