Tragi-Comedy – The Drama That Is Zanu PF & The War Vets

Cash talk....Edinah Masanga
Cash talk….Edinah Masanga

Edinah Masanga |Zanu PF’s game of thrones plays itself out in the war veterans camp, who have been the backbone of the liberation party over the years.  They have diligently served the party even when Robert Mugabe’s unpopularity soared, rejected by Zimbabweans, they have killed, raped and maimed to keep him there. Now a section says it can remove him. The drama begins, begging the question who in the military, intelligence and in general does this group represent? 

But before I go any further, I would like to just say this, Mutsvangwa’s reply to Zanu PF’s internal probe floored me, ”I do not own copyright to the English language,” he said. That was a tad too much denying. Just saying.

Our experience with babies tells us that when a child says no no no too much, they might actually be saying yes yes yes. Very interesting but sad at the same time.

But, until the weevil who wrote the communique is found, we shall keep assuming it did come from the war vets themselves and in that regard, I have a few sentiments to express about the communique and points raised therein. 

Your well written communique struck a chord in the hearts of many people but I am sitting here thinking; oh the cry of the spoilt child (rolls eyes). Crying the loudest for a dessert while its cheeks are chubby and shiny from too much food, on entering a house full of other kids with sunken cheeks, protruding cheekbones and rickety legs from hunger. May I say welcome to the other side. And, by the way, you are a little late for the (foodless) party don’t you think.

My bad. I am NOT against the war vets, in fact I am happy that we, the downtrodden, keep gaining ‘heavyweights’ on this our side of the fence where the grass no longer exists. It’s all dried up since a decade ago, and blown by the wind or disappeared in the dark of the night while we slept. Or, as a little bird said, it’s stashed away somewhere in a Singaporean bank, accruing large amounts of interest.

As a matter of fact, you are a decade late for the party. Oh, let me see, you were receiving what were they called again? Oh my memory can be unpatriotic sometimes but I remember now, you were on top of the world getting war vet packages including a seat on the Zanu pf feast table. But boooom! Someone pulled the tablecloth, and turned the table over, rearranged the seats only for you to see that yours had been put out onto the cold patio.

Oh, I can get carried away sometimes. Forgive my penchant for reminding people of their pasts – which they probably want us to forgive and forget just like that.

But, anyway, the fact that that war vets are running around like the second partner who got dumped, when they knew they were never the one in the first place, is besides the point. I have a plea to put forward. We need help.

Firstly, how about fighting for the country all over again? Like literally, I mean. As you might have witnessed, we have been teargassed, kicked, beaten and shot at by the police and army in our quest for justice from your patron’s dictatorship – (is he still?). Anyway, we could really use some fighting and resistance expertise.

Secondly, how about taking back that statement that you made that other time not so long ago, that you were prepared to go back to war to protect the president from none other than us the hungry vandals that were created by the same patron of yours? That’d be really nice, so that we can kiss and make up properly.

Thirdly, turn the heat up. We are over here, dearest war vets, clapping and waiting in anticipation to see what you are going to do next. Surely just a statement can’t be enough. We could really use some action in Zimbabwe. Those who are used to giving it to others, need to be given a dose of their own medicine. Now, that will be really heroic.

Fourthly, you know I love information (professional hazard), therefore we could use some dishing of dirt. Hmmm I’m wetting my appetite already. If you don’t know where to start I have an idea, tell us who approached you and manipulated you into kicking white Zimbabweans out of their farms? Is that same person now calling you traitors or what? Well, just expose them. Tell us everything!

Lastly, my dearest lovely war vets, thank you for finally showing that you, the heroic surviving fighters of the liberation war for Zimbabwe, can’t be made to cower into a corner by one 99 year old man. Oops, is it 99 or 96 or 97 or ninety what exactly? Ah, same difference, it’s still a century to me. Thirty something years past the retirement age in Zimbabwe.

Lastly, for real now, I can create a hashtag for you so that we can tweet Mugabe out as well. Can we try #MugabeMustFallNow or?

Okay, I think that’s enough, please don’t come for me, I really tried to make this as lighthearted as possible. 

Thank you very much, yours in love, E.

P.S. At the end of the day I am really hoping that the communique did come from the war vets and that they indeed see Mugabe as correctly as they stated. Their breaking away from dictatorial Mugabe and his party will do a world of good for our country.

Until next time.

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  • jaku

    I am just wondering why the war veterans would issue a communiqué which does not belong to them. What actually happened at the Raylton meeting?Why is the CIO quiet about this?How about the army?We are now being told that the veterans have disowned the communiqué but we have not seen them publicly do so. What is going on?