By Anonymous|From a true friend not a seasoned bootlicker

OPEN LETTER TO ADVOCATE CHAMISA (TSHAMISA IN NDEBELE)

You are in the limelight and I envy you. You are one of the presidential candidates and so you have a remote chance to be president of this country. I have a few things that I wish to tell you as a true friend. I am your true friend but I am not one of your fanatics who chant, “Chamisa chete!” at your rallies. In fact, I have not attended any of your rallies in person, and don’t think I ever will. This does not mean I do not listen to what you say. For example I just finished listening to your address at a rally in the UK and I was captivated by your grasp of issues. I was also saddened by other things you said. So listen to this:

1. WATCH YOUR MOUTH.
I can count three times where you said something and the people whom you quoted contradicted you. You said America had promised to pour in money into Zimbabwe once you were elected, and the Americans denied it. You said Nkomo’s family had given you intonga kaNkomo and the son categorically denied it. Then you said the Queen of England had invited you, and the British embassy official refuted it. Many people are saying you are a pathological liar. You lie out of impulse and unnecessarily. Do you need Nkomo’s intonga? I doubt it because you are already popular without it. Do you need to be in favor with the queen in order to be the next president? No. So most neutrals are wondering why you have the urge to lie when you don’t really need to.

Then you pledged your sister to ED in the event that he wins free and fair elections. You were making a point and I’m sure you did not really mean it, but why even make yourself a sitting duck to criticism? In case you haven’t noticed, women’s rights are a hot potato in Zimbabwe and many cultural practices which expose the girl child to abuse are under the microscope. You did not need to go that far, even in jest.

It is not too late to learn other Zimbabwean languages. Mugabe ruled for 37 years but all he could speak was Shona and English. It is always unnerving for you to address people in Shona assuming that they should understand it when you do not understand their own language. We have about 14 indigenous languages and as a national leader it is a good thing to be able to speak broken Venda, Sotho, Nambya or even Tonga. Shona is not superior to other languages by any standard.

2. WATCH YOUR FRIENDS
Many people are attracted to power and popularity. You have many friends right now but I will tell you from painful experience, many of those friends are not friends to you but to your popularity. You also do not need fanatics around you. A true friend will tell you when you need to fix your face, but a false friend will always tell you that you look great, you are handsome, the world is at your feet even when it is not true.

So surround yourself with frank people. Do not allow a flatterer anywhere near you. The difference between a fanatic and a true supporter is that a fanatic does not know why he likes you. Such a person can shift allegiance anytime. You get my drift. As it is, you have far too many fanatics around you and they are lying to you. This was the same problem Mugabe had. He loved to be lied to and one of his most trusted lieutenants toppled him….

3. WATCH YOUR HOPES
You have a hope that you will be president after the election, but you have not crossed that bridge. Hope all you like but do not be overconfident and behave as if you are now president of Zimbabwe. In reality, you are riding on the wave of Tsvangirai’s popularity.

You must remember one painful truth: Tsvangirai won the election in 2008 but he never got to be president. We mocked Mugabe when he said, “Zviroto zviroto…..” but that is what happened after all. The monster that prevented Tsvangirai from assuming leadership of the country is still here, and has tasted power. They are unlikely to hand over power in a silver platter. Do not trust the West or African groupings like SADC and AU. They let Tsvangirai down, and they are likely to let you down too.

4. WATCH YOUR PROPHECIES
From your speech recently, you appear to be a believer, but please keep your religious beliefs to yourself when it comes to political office. There is nothing as scary as a zealot who thinks he is God’s messenger. If you are regarded as a prophet at your church, it does not follow all your supporters subscribe to your religion. Please project yourself as a down-to-earth leader for all Zimbabweans, whether Muslims, spirit mediums, atheists, or even varoyi. Religious freedom is dear to some of us who have seen what happens when a leader mixes politics and religion.

5. WATCH YOUR HEALTH.
You are still young and energetic but you will not always be so. Do not just eat anything set at your table. Do not believe when they say prayer makes poison good food. Ask ED. Do not think he does not pray, but ice-cream almost killed him. Eat only the best that will sustain your health. Exercise. Sleep. Rest. Work hard.

6. WATCH YOUR STEP
You have entered a very dangerous territory and politics is not labeled a dirty game for no reason. Some of the dirty people are in very smart suits and wear fake smiles. Watch out for political prostitutes who are always repenting and leaving their political parties. Do not draw them too close to you before you really understand why they have joined your movement. Some of them are agents sent to poison you. And lastly,

7. WATCH YOUR WOMEN
You are aware that Save’s greatest undoing was in how he handled himself after the death of Susan. You also saw how the country deteriorated when Sally Mugabe died and a mistress took over. Watch your libido. Not many women will open their legs because they love you. They love success. They love money. And when thwarted, they can destroy. If you doubt it, ask Samson the mighty man. Or David the psalmist. Or even closer home, ask William Jefferson Clinton how carelessness with women can taint your life.

I am not saying all women are like that. I know many virtuous women out there and I hope your current wife supports your dreams.

I wish you the best and hope you will take time to read this.

Asante sana (whatever that means…..)